Welcome back to The Couch, a column that invites your queries about life. Whether you are asking about Second Life (SL) or Real Life (RL) or the many ways they cross over, or whether it is about yourself or someone else, your Couch Coach will dig into your issue and hopefully shed a little light so you can get closer to understanding this endlessly bewildering thing called human behaviour.
Here are a couple of issues drawn from the various SL forums that have perplexed SL. They may be issues you have had on your mind. Of course names have been changed to protect identities, so there is no point looking for these folks online.
ForeverHopeful wonders about that special girl.
“I’m searching for a girl that will be my friend n more and not be weirded out by the stuff I like to do and will enjoy seeing me when I get on and I can look for too and we can hang out age is not too important but must be a female I don’t like being lied to do you think there is anyone in sl that would be like this”
My golly gosh ForeverHopeful, do you draw breath in RL? The first thing that springs to my mind is that SL is largely reliant upon written words to communicate. Sure you might get to voice and cam rather quickly but you may be having trouble getting even that far if you write like you have here.
Punctuation is an essential skill. It helps other people comprehend what we are trying to say. Of course punctuation is only the start. You also have to be trying to say something meaningful, but start with the dots and dashes, and hopefully the rest will follow.
It does sound like you may not be looking in the right places for someone to become a friend. It’s not clear from what you say, just where you are hanging around, but there are lots of places in SL that both males and females go easily and interact. Try a few hunts for example. It’s easy to strike up a conversation about the next clue.
Mind you, you might be the one having to provide clues to your meaning if you don’t learn to punctuate.
EenyMeeny wonders about whether all the nice people have left SL.
“I have been in SL for four years now and I used to have lots of friends who were really nice, but they have all drifted away. When I get around SL I find almost no one to talk to and people I try to get friendly with seem so full of drama and only pretend to be besties before never getting in touch again. Where have all the nice genuine people gone?”
Well, EenyMeeny, your problem is a common one. It seems that it is inevitable that social places change over time so that if we continue to go to the same place over a number of years we are likely to experience a total change of crowd from those we knew at the start.
Just think about your favourite café. The same phenomenon can exist there too. When you first went, you kept going because you found the regular people to your liking and you were part of the crowd that all went around the same time. As time passes, new people come along and that may have different priorities and agendas that vary from the ones you are familiar with. Gradually the café music may change, the pictures on the walls might alter as does the menu. SL is a bit like that.
There are likely to still be places you feel more at home and those places might attract folks more like you who have been there a while and like similar aspects of SL that you like. The trick is finding those places and people.
Think back to the things you enjoyed back then, the activities and places you visited (of course in SL sims sometimes cease to exist and that is a sad thing when they are your favourite). If the location is gone, there may be something similar to become a regular at and join in the fun there.
Even something as simple as the kind of music you used to like to listen to then might still be played in various places now. Seek those places out and you might just find a bunch of folks standing around all wondering where all the nice people have gone, and lo and behold, there you’ll be to answer the call.