It’s skirted around lightly in some circles, and is a way of life for others, but regardless of how you feel on the subject, D/s, BDSM and Gor, all deal with one thing that in some degree or another, each of us get excited over, and ultimately explore in the safety of virtual environments. Well, we think we are safe, especially our first time, yet even online, we need to take precautions to protect ourselves beyond keeping our real world details to ourselves.
I came to Second Life in 2005, and to use the term “naive noob” is an understatement to be certain! The first man I ever called “my Master,” so many years ago, turned out to actually be the worst kind of predator. Men like this use what can be a beautiful experience (D/s), to their advantage! He was a manipulative, contriving, mind bending con artist, the worst of the lot who nearly destroyed my entire life by brain washing me to the point I was naught but a vacant shell that knew nothing but kneeling upon command, coming when called, dressing only when he’s told me what to wear (or I couldn’t figure it out for myself) and so much more. I had no drive left, no creativity, couldn’t think for myself, do for myself, care for my kids, and couldn’t even hold down a job after him, when before him I was a high paid executive. He caused so much harm its mind boggling and is the worst extreme that I hope no one ever experiences in their lives … though sadly, I know many will.
What so many people do not realize or do not consider is that many submissives, especially those who so eagerly call themselves “slave” are so often lonely, insecure, abandoned, hurt and ultra-vulnerable people (whether they will admit it or not) that are prime pickin’s for jerks like the one I mentioned above. I know from experience that their need for acceptance and love is so great, their desperation for a deep bond such as this will drive them to give themselves into the care of people who will decimate the beautiful human beings they are, for their own pleasure or gain. When this happens, when this beautiful soul is stripped of all their own thought and strength, there’s nothing left for the right Person to desire and he or she will pass this tattered remnant of life by, never knowing that’s where they belonged all along.
What may be even more overlooked, is a submissive in a vulnerable state being taken advantage of by a ‘friend’ who thinks he’s doing what is best for her, when he’s really just satisfying what he needs or wants. What’s worse is when he throws away another vulnerable soul in order to acquire the first one … the one he always thought was stolen from him (but never was in reality) … that one more trophy to add to his shelf. Whether or not he realizes he’s done it, he’s just become nearly as bad as that con artist mentioned earlier. ‘Friends’ like these may even go so far as to tell you things about a good person with whom you’re building a life with, things meant to make you doubt, worry and abandon that path. This is so dangerous because once it happens, it becomes harder for true friends to actually get through to a person, when they really are trying to protect, when the information and danger are real.
You see, there are many forms of predators, from the knowing to the unwitting, from the deliberate to the desperate. But the one thing they all have in common is … the vulnerabilities of the target person.
I learned a long time ago, the best way to protect yourself, is through your own actions and your own mind. Likewise, the best way to stop a predator before he can do harm is through yourself! Your knowledge, your belief in yourself and your determination to be a whole person and understand that submission as sub or slave, does not mean the hollowing out of yourself to be naught but a serving girl who has a lot of sex, but through your own mental and emotional growth. If you are not whole, then you can be no good to anyone else least of all the right man or woman regardless of D/s or “vanilla” relationship status.
Your knowledge, your empowerment, your wisdom, your creativity, your individualism and your power – these are what make anyone valuable and desirable! If you have these things, predators cannot take advantage of you, they will actually run from you because they haven’t the power to climb those walls. And all while you are widening the mote around the castle, your knight in shining white armor see’s your value, knows how desirable you are and will work hard to become worthy of the lowering of the drawbridge and welcoming of him (or her) into your heart. THIS Person will realize what a true gift you are and you will know, THIS is what I deserve for I am valuable, worthwhile and beautiful!
Do not be afraid to be strong, or even to say the word “no” … for a Dom who cannot handle what so many call a “difficult sub” or “not a true sub/slave” (terms meant to make you feel guilty for being safe and secure) … pfft … he is not the right Dom for you … likely is no Dom at all.
Your strength will protect you while attracting the Person who WILL fulfill your life! I promise and I do so hope with all my heart, that each and every good person out there finds his or her true soul mate.
Be sure to read Daeden’s piece entitled “Online Safety: The Big Red X” published in Roleplay Guide Magazine in 2011 and found now on WorldsOfRoleplay.com.